Awkward or Special?

You know those people.  Sometimes they're tall, and when they walk their shoulders have to jut forward to keep balance.  Like their shoulders are rotating on an entirely different body than their waists.  Or that they're pushing their shoulders through some sort of thick jelly, while they're waists are just trotting along.  There are also those average sized people that aren't ridiculously fat, but aren't particularly skinny either.  And there are those that just look lost... all the time.

I guess it would be more appropriate to say 'Awkward or Special or Foreign'.  Cuz when I'm interacting with somebody that doesn't speak great English, the first decision I have to make is rather they are foreign or special.

Anyway.

I play volleyball every Tuesday with the 'good people' at my sports club.  Apparently, Thursdays are for people wanting to play less pretty, back yard barbecue volleyball.  Every once in a while, we get someone who mistakenly shows up to play with the big dogs.  They usually pick up on the cues that they're just not as good as us, and they hop out after a game or two.

Then Tuesday happened.  This massive guy (tall more than wide) was hovering around the edge of the court for most of our first game.  We usually let people come and go in the middle of the game, but people also just like to watch us, so we don't really ask people to join.  They can if they want to.  He hopped in at the beginning of the 2nd game.

In just a few short minutes, it goes all daddy-hit-mommy silent and we are all giving each other the 'what the fuck can we do' face behind his back.  He's slow.  He didn't understand the concept of a setter position.  One time he took a swing, missed it, and the ball hit him in the head.  We've got real eastern Europeans here trying to draw blood, and there's just no room for somebody who doesn't help at all.

But nobody said anything.  And nobody confronted him.  I pray that we were all thinking the same thing.  We weren't sure if he was special or not.  At least that speaks to the kindness of strangers, that they'd be happy to let somebody ruin their extremely competitive game just to give somebody a chance to feel connected and to be a part of something.  But then I wonder, what if he wasn't special?  Is that even worse?

Not really related at all, just hilarious.

Watch me try to shoot a basketball, and you could write this whole post about me,
~RoB

Inappropriate Undies

Apparently, the awkward theme of this week is underwear.

I feel like I could start a whole new blog detailing awkward moments in gym/sports club locker rooms.

Clearly, this prude over at PA Notes hasn't been reading my blog.

As I've mentioned earlier this week, my collection of undies (primarly, but not exclusively, boxers) has been slowly dwindling over the past couple of months.  There has been one addition, though.  While at Walmart earlier this year picking up some random, cheap supplies, I came across some Batman boxers.  Made for men.

From what I can remember of my childhood, I was obsessed with Batman.  I had a Batman cape, a Batman mask, Batman costumes, Batman undies, and a shit-ton of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle stuff.  TMNT is unrelated, but important to not slight them.  I am who I am today because of TMNT.  And the Power Rangers.  I'm getting sidetracked.  The point being that I had to own, and wear, these boxers.

This will all start coming together soon.  When I work out at the gym, I usually take a shower and change clothes before I go home.  Also, like most humans I know, I don't take off my pants and my underwear at the same time.  Sometimes, but not usually.

Anyway, on one particular day, I absentmindedly wore my Batman boxers to work out.  I just grabbed something and put it on.  Skip ahead 90 minutes or so.  I pull off my underwear in a room full of naked, loitering men.

BAM!  Creepy 26-year-old in children's underwear.

I can't find an ideal representation, so you'll have to merge these pictures in your head:

Is it possible for a grown man to be seen in Batman underwear and not be thought of as a pedophile?
Didn't think so.

I also don't think I'll be getting any babysitting requests from my naked pals at the gym,
~RoB

Gym Locker Rooms*

For those unawares, I now teach Zumba for a fancy sports club chain throughout the Bay Area.  This provides me a free membership, and I've been trying to take full advantage of it.  It'd be nice if I could get myself all sexy again, like when I graduated from high school.

There are so many things going on in a sports club locker room that life just doesn't prepare you for.  Thinking about watching the baseball game tonight?  Why not sit and watch it in the nude at the entrance to the locker room!  Want to grab a shower after your work out?  Don't be shy, walk up and down the aisles while you're butt naked to get a last few laps in before you wash yourself!  Have a clean towel in your hand?  Good.  Try not to use it to cover you at all, and throw it straight into the dirty pile once you've finished taking it on a tour of the locker room!  I'd love to use the sauna, I'm just not comfortable with sitting there for 15 minutes while you stare at me absolutely naked.  There are millions of clean towels laying around, would you like me to hand you one?

This is what we all imagine.

Though this is much closer to reality. Much closer.

Is it just me, or is there a tad bit too much nakedness going on in there?  Hey, I like to be naked, as we've already learned this week.  Hell, I've watched gay porn.  I have no problems at all with the naked male body.  But don't you think that we could calm down the amount of penis haphazardly loitering around?  Can't we go back to the shy nakedness we all had in middle/high school?

Also, there are things too awkward for me to think about you doing, let alone see you do.  Standing naked in front of a mirror to rub your entire body down with lotion is a bit much.  More than a bit much.  Honestly, I don't even think I'd enjoy seeing a girl do this after 30 seconds or so.  There are places on my body I try to only touch with soap, and lotion shouldn't be applied so vigorously that it starts to lather.

Finally, the naked, elderly male body is scary.  Should I plan on my balls really drooping down that low?  f.m.l.

*Updated
Today there was an absolutely naked man sitting in front of the mirror shaving (his face, thank god) with an electric shaver.  That really necessary?  To top it off, he was on his cell phone (I'm assuming, otherwise he was a lost homeless man) cell yelling about how dark and devastating his current divorce is.  Cover your balls, walk outside, and talk in the lobby so that you aren't interrupting the procession of loitering penises that are tromping around the room.  kthxbye.

Maybe I'm not as comfortable being naked as I thought, or maybe this will make it worse...
~RoB