Anyway, I just went through another 'fat cycle', and I thought I would let you all in on what it's like.
Day -1: You get on a scale, and the numbers that pop up are about 10 pounds more than you were last time you were brave enough to get on (and about 25 pounds more than it should be for someone your height). Mild depression lingers on the edge of your emotions, but you shrug it off.
|I hate you.|
Day 1.5: The hunger is as you expected. You keep opening that cupboard (or desk drawer at work) to snag one little extra sweet thing to hold you over. Ha, hunger, those cookies got thrown away! You're serious this time.
Day 2: You wake up happy to have defeated your first day. You know the first few days are the hardest, but you are going to work just as hard today. Planning each meal and snack of the day already seems like an endless task, but those skinny people must do it, so you will, too.
Day 2.5: The hunger is apparent, but you've already defeated it yesterday. You are rock solid, because you are serious this time. Avoid commercials, avoid talking about food, and certainly don't look up the menu to that restaurant you've been thinking about trying. Even though its your present to yourself after you've shed some of this weight. Hunger is still hanging out back there, deliciously in full-color in your mind.
Days 3-5: You've been amazing. You even sneaked on the scale to get a glimpse of your progress. You've totally lost some weight, and you are interpolating how much more you can lose by the next big holiday. People are going to be so proud of you when you walk in showing off that new bod. You've been exercising, you've been eating right. You've been perfect.
Day 6.5: You've been perfect for a whole week now. You haven't had a single dessert. You've been chewing gum or sucking on cough drops to curb cravings. You're out with friends at dinner, and you decide that you're going to treat your hard work with the dessert menu. You're not going to go crazy, but you definitely deserve it.
Day 7.5: You've had no energy all day. Hunger has shown up with friends. All you can think about is how good that small dessert was last night. Maybe you should buy something dessert-y and treat yourself a few times a week, in moderation, in order to keep yourself on track. You swing by the grocery store and pick up a package of oreos.
Day 7.8: A good movie is on TV. It's Sunday and you have to work tomorrow. You're just going to relax and watch the movie. Wouldn't it be fun to have a few oreos? Technically, you've been really good, still. This is a perfect opportunity to work on deliciousness in moderation. Those salads have been quite drab, haven't they? So you pull the package into the living room with a glass of milk. You pull out 3 cookies, because that's what the nutritional info says is one serving. You slowly eat each cookie, trying to get as much of the orgasmic, sugary goodness from each bite that you can. The third cookie is gone, and you feel like you barely had any.
3 more cookies come out, but you've sealed the cookies this time. You're serious.
The movie is pretty good. So were those other three cookies. Ok, one more, and you take them back to the cupboard...
You sit down, but now you are starting to care less about the movie...
You realize that you had 1 cookie, so you might as well eat 2 more to make it easy to calculate the nutrition in your log...
You get up to grab 2 cookies, but you know you have to leave those cookies in the cupboard or you'll just eat more...
Those cookies are done, but the movie is still going...
You blink, and the package is in front of you... empty.
Day 8: Guilt. You'd been doing so well. This is precisely why you are fat. You have no self control. Yes, the oreos were amazing, but you really have to change the way you look at food if you're ever going to change.
Day 8.7: Fuck it. I already ruined it last night. Let's order the pizza from the commercials that I keep seeing.
Day 10: You've pretty much gone on to business as usual. You decide it can't be that bad. You did, after all, have a whole week of watching your diet. You step on the scale.
Day 10 becomes Day -1.
The cycle continues.
You have no clue how many times I had to replace 'I' with 'you' in order to make this about all of us, instead of my battle of the bulge. I'm hoping the recognition that all of us go through this motivates both myself and any of you that struggle with food and weight (and even body image).
I've heard the secret is to not make drastic changes overnight, but I've always been a very black-white/yes-no/no compromise person. One day it'll work out, though, right?
Hopes he's in a prolonged Day 3 mode, but knows he just had a Day 8,