WDW Day 2: Drinking Epcot

Though we finally got to sleep at 2am after our first day at Disney World, Annie sprung out of bed ready to get to Epcot as soon as it opened.  I wasn't having it.  Though she wasn't totally thrilled at the idea, we agreed to meet at Epcot at 10:30am, just before the World Exhibit opened.  This gave her the chance to run back to Animal Kingdom, buy a shirt she was considering, and ride Expedition Everest a couple more times.

This was my first encounter with what would become the Achilles' heel of Disney World:  the bus system.  Though I was out waiting for the bus by 10am, which seemed reasonable since Epcot was across the street, I don't think I actually got to Epcot for over an hour.  (Oh, and though Epcot was literally across the street, it was the World Exhibit part of Epcot, which means the entrance was on the other side, and it took forever to get to.)

Epcot is the only thing that I remember about Disney World when I went there in high school.  There are a bunch of different countries represented by a little neighborhood of shops and eats that are supposed to feel like you're in that country.  They were even worked by people who were brought over from that country.  It was mind-blowing for sheltered, white trash, young ~RoB, who was much less educated about the rest of the world when he was 16.

We started in Canada & the UK.  It was too early to drink, and I don't drink beer, so it was primarily looking at things to buy.  Annie wanted a London Olympics shirt, but we didn't buy it until we came back at the end of the night.  There were Highland games for the release of Brave, but it was swarming with little kids, so we skipped it.  Somehow, cornhole was considered a Highland game.

We were walking through a shop in France when I noticed a bunch of wine bottles lining a counter.  Granted, it was maybe 11:30am at the latest, but who doesn't want a little French wine to get through their day at Disney?!  The man behind the counter was asking the man in front of us in line how he planned to spend the day.  The guy responded, "I have 4 kids dragging me around."  Then he walked out with his full glass of Champagne to find those 4 kids.  They sounded wonderful.  Upon looking into it, we realized that there was a World Wine Walk where you could drink wine from the different countries as you travel through.  We signed up, and we drank the French wine.  I convinced Annie to get some French pastries from the bakery, but they sucked. Don't get 'em.

It was hot, so we liked to stop in all of the museum-things to see art and the like, since they were extremely air conditioned.  Morocco was just, eh.  Japan was better. They had this whole exhibit about how Japanese legends and ancient gods have influenced video games and cartoons.  Taiko drumming rings throughout the pavilion.  Annie did a Sake tasting and also got some sushi.  We skipped 'merica, cuz we're pretty well-traveled there.  Italy was the next stop on our wine trail.  It was also when shit started to hit the fan.

We drank the Italian wine.  This was probably the most disappointing of the countries, because the old lady behind the counter was bitchy.  However, we realized we needed some food asap, cuz things were slowly getting drunk, between the heat and the alcohol.  We found the Tutto Gusto Wine Cellar, sat down and drank wine and munched on some light food.  It was all really amazing.  One of the highlight meals of the trip.  Stumbling back from the bathroom, I realized that everyone around me was pretty red-faced.  Apparently, the only way to experience Epcot is to drink it. And to start early.

On to Germany. We actually enjoyed the German wine, and now we have our eyes open for Spatlese. I also got a lesson on the German wine-making region from the lady behind the counter.  Annie got beer, too.  China didn't have alcohol, but it did have a shitty, frozen-food version of a steamed pork bun.  We really miss living beside Oakland's Chinatown, because we got addicted to those damn little buns.  Who knows how much MSG we consumed in our last year there.  Anyway, China did have another cool exhibit about the life-size army of statues that one of their emperors was buried with.

Finally, Norway for the viking boat ride, and Mexico to drink in their new Tequila bar. At some point, it started to rain.  So, being sturdy, outdoors-y people, we took the opportunity to walk to the other side of the park, Future World, and ride some of the rides while people were evacuating or hiding.  Only a few things stick out.

Mission: SPACE was probably the most fun. More because they ask you to leave at least a dozen times if you have motion sickness issues.  It ended up being the best simulator I've been in.  The Seas with Nemo was uber disappointing.  Living with the Land was an interesting look at sustainable farming and research performed there.  And, of course, we had to do Soarin', since Annie loves it.  It's the exact same as the one in California.  I think we finished with Spaceship Earth.  I remember really disliking that ride the last time I was there.  However, the new interactive movie they create for you at the end made the ride totally worth it this time.  Annie tried to upload it onto her blog, but the link is broken, so here it is:

Annie apparently broke the camera on her side, but my face is classic.

Now you see why it took so long to publish this post, it's damn long,
~RoB

Walt Disney World Day 1: Animal Kingdom

Annie and I just took a week-long trip to Florida.  In general, we don't support the state of Tim Tebow & Urban Meyer, but Annie had never been to Disney World.  She's been to Disneyland about as many times as you've ever gone to the grocery store.  So, she wanted to compare the two.

Anyway, the trip consisted of 4 days at a Disney World Resort, the Caribbean Beach Resort, and a park hopper for all four days, then 2.5 days with my aunt & uncle, who just retired to Ft. Myers.

When I hear the words "Animal Kingdom" in reference to Disney World, I honestly only have one ride in mind:  everyone piled into a jeep driving through the back lot of a zoo.  Apparently, the park was built around this concept.  The ride I'm describing, Kilimanjaro Safaris, is hands-down the coolest ride there.  Annie really liked the roller coaster, Expedition Everest, but I wanted the encounter with the Yeti to be way scarier.  We both enjoyed the Lion King show, too.

At Animal Kingdom, we also rode the shittiest ride of the four days.

Annie was excited that her Home was the top destination.

I was getting hot & thirsty, and I knew alcohol was going to be the only thing to help me survive the trip, so I was dragging Annie to the bar inside the park.  On the way there, we stumbled upon a South African wine tasting.  Nothing says ~RoB like wine tasting.  So we both did it, and it was really fun, and it was pretty good wine.  I'm changing my mind.  Wine tasting was the best ride in Animal Kingdom.  They only do it in Animal Kingdom for the month of June, and it's only 4pm to close.  The coolest thing we found was Jam Jar, a sweet Shiraz.  Highly recommended, check it out.

We ended the day with a ride on Kali River Rapids, which is a shittier version of Thunder Canyon, for all you Cedar Point buffs out there.  I got more wet than I wanted to.  Especially since we were heading to Cat Cora's new restaurant at the Boardwalk*, Kouzzina.  The food was great, the atmosphere is always fun when there's an open kitchen, and the amount of food we got was more than we could handle.

We rode a ferry from there to Hollywood Studios, where we showed up 5 minutes late to Fantasmic.  This was one of my surprisingly favorite things about Disneyland, and it held up at Disney World.  We were going to take advantage of a bunch of rides since it stayed open later for Resort dwellers, but the lines were still ass-long.  We snagged the Little Mermaid show, which sucked almost as much as Primeval Whirl.  That's sad, cuz Ariel is smokin' hot.  We got to ride the Star Wars simulator, then we went home to pass out, which finally happened at 2am or so.

Fuck is it hot & humid right now in Florida,
~RoB

Birthday Party: Part 1 - Wineries

My birthday this year was on a Wednesday.  I turned 27.  Such an awkward number.  My birthday also happens to fall the day after Valentine's Day.  Annie and I had made plans to visit the most highly regarded winery in KY that evening.  Well, they were so busy on VDay that they decided to close for my birthday.  Kind of a bummer.  So, Annie took me out to dinner at a local place that was trying so unbelievably hard to be straight outta San Francisco.  It's called Table 310.  The food was great, but the wine wasn't spectacular (for a wine bar), and we both expected a little more from the dessert menu, since the pastry chef is in line for some big award.

So, we had decided to push the winery back to the Saturday after my birthday.  We actually decided to hit up three wineries in the same area southeast of Lexington.  We had a Groupon for one, and we were recommended another, so it all made sense.  We planned to leave at 4pm.  At almost 4 exactly, I opened my door to check my mail.  2 friends of ours were stepping up onto our porch.  Apparently, Annie had lined up another couple to hang with us for the day (and one to be a DD).  Spectacular!

We started off at Grimes Mill.  This winery is brand new (opened in September), and it's not even on the KY Wine Map that gets handed out at most of the local wineries.  I like 'off the map', and I liked this place.  They only have 6 wines, and they don't have the cheapest tasting ($6 for 3 wines), but it truly feels like a small, family winery.  We bought a bottle of their Bianca, which is a fan favorite.  I met both of the owners, one of which was the grower/winemaker, and we were served by the Tasting Room Manager.  Yeah, not a huge staff.  The best part was where I got all technical with the owner.  I asked him how crush worked in KY, what the residual sugar was on his moscato, and why he didn't have any Italian varietals considering his strong Italian heritage.  I told him I thought that Nebbiolo or Barbera might grow well here (my favorite Piemonte grapes).  That caught his attention.  Though he didn't know if he could find those vines anywhere nearby, he asked if I had any interest in working there.  More about that to come, I hope!

We then progressed to Talon.  Earlier that week, I had actually put in an application to pour in the tasting room at Talon.  They never responded.  I understand, I have 2 Master's degrees in engineering, but I totally would have worked for them.  I had already tried a bunch of their wines, but this gave me a chance to hit a few more on their list of at least 15 wines.  Tastings are typically $5 for 6 wines.  A couple wines weren't bad, but one was absolutely atrocious.  I seriously thought that I had found my first example of cork taint, but the flavors didn't match.  It didn't smell like trash, but a little like horse poop.  Apparently, that's a common thing for one of the local, popular varietals.  Though, they won't say 'horse poop'.  I did.  It was staffed by a bunch of guys that looked like UK students, so at least they kept the convo light.

We ended at Jean Farris.  Their cab just won a double gold at the San Francisco Chronicle wine competition, which is a big deal, especially for a KY wine.  I don't believe any KY wine has ever won such a prestigious award.  And the wine lived up to it.  Between the few of us that were still going (one girl hit her limit by winery #3), we managed to try most of their reds.  Their pinot was nothing special, but I really liked their merlot, and their cab sauv was delicious and perfectly balanced.  As we were sitting there enjoying a delicious cheese tray, another pair of friends walked in and wished me Happy Birthday.  'Cool,' I thought, 'Annie got another couple to come for dinner.'  Before I knew it, there were 11 people there, and we had a private room.  I felt so cool.

Though the service at the wine bar left a lot to be desired, our waiter in the private room was really cool.  The whole winery had an air of pretentiousness, which I'm really surprised with in KY.  Don't they know who their typical clientele are?  However, having lived near Napa Valley, we were used to it.  The food was amazing!  I got duck confit for the appetizer, and it was one of the better things I've eaten in the past year.  The large amount of wine may have had a little to do with it, but it was really, really good.  Twice now, I've considered walking in and ordering it by itself for a quick, delicious bite.  Most people got the special, and we went through 2 bottles of merlot and a bottle of riesling.  We spent a good deal of money, but again, coming from Northern California, it was a great deal.

This day is getting long, so I'll split it into 2 parts,
~RoB

Equivalent of Crying

I'm not an emotional person.  I laugh everything off.  Not so much that I hide behind laughter, but I think that's how it started.  Now, I've trained my emotions to just be odd.  So, when I say that I at least admitted that I was affected by hearing that Whitney Houston died, that's pretty much the equivalent of crying in my book.

I never really understood any of the hullabaloo when Michael Jackson died.  Hell, I was there... kinda.  Now I do.  It just has to be an artist that means a lot to you and had a large impact at some point in the past.  Not only did I admit that I was down about it, but I had a mini-meltdown that was unfortunately documented on Facebook:

I ditched my plans for the night to go out dancing.  I seriously considered walking to a nearby pub and drinking until I thought I could out-sing Whitney.  Instead, I took off to Coldstone to drown my sorrows in ice cream:

Took me about 15 minutes.

I swung by some friends' house across the street from Coldstone, drank a bottle of wine, and they played cards with me until I was sober enough to drive home.  I didn't drive home.  I drove to Steak n Shake and ate a grilled cheese combo (with bacon and a side of ranch).  By the time I got home and I stopped whining on Facebook, I was able to snuggle up with Angel and pass out at like 3:30am.

Annie's not here.  She's at home visiting her family.  It's probably good timing.  She shouldn't have to deal with me when I'm being so ridiculous.  This is way worse than when the Spice Girls broke up, and that kept me home from school for a day.  (Puberty was rough.)

I could only be as devastated if all the members of Boyz II Men died simultaneously,
~RoB

Sangria & Super Commercials

If there was a flavor that took me immediately back to the highest point of my life, it would have to be Sangria from Dominick's in Ann Arbor.  Annie and I decided to look up recipe clones and try one for the Super Bowl party we were going to yesterday.  It turned out really well.

Well, better than well.  I started drinking at about 11am.  The only thing I had eaten by the time Annie drove us over to the party, was a roll of Ritz and a few gummy tummies from TJs.  But I had drank almost 1/2 L of the homemade Sangria.  I was a hot mess, and it was like 2pm.  No better way to pregame for the Super Bowl, right?

I've recently heard that the new cool thing to do is just learn proportions instead of recipes.  Then, you can make as much or as little as you want.  So I'll do that and let you know exactly what I used.  It's not perfect, but it is so damn close that I'll never try another recipe.  Dominick's Sangria everywhere I go now!!

1 part Brandy.  I used Christian Brothers Very Smooth.
3 parts Cranberry Schnapps.  I used Dekuyper.
6 parts Concord grape wine.  I used Prodigy, a local Kentucky wine.
16 parts cheap, Red table Wine.  I used Riunite Lambrusco Emilia.
Sliced up citrus fruits.  We used 2 limes, 1 lemon, 2 naval oranges, and one cara cara orange.

So, if you use 4 cups of red table wine, then you would use 1/4 cup of brandy, and so on.  Typically you're thinking about wine in terms of bottles or liters.  Did I mention how perfect it was?!  Thank you so much swirlspice!

Aside from the Sangria, we brought the same guacamole and Asian Zing Ritz from last year's Super Bowl party.  I was rooting for the Patriots.  They lost.  I spent most of the time playing board games anyway.  That being said, here are my top 3 Super Bowl XLVI (2012) commercials in order:

 1. Naked M&Ms

 2. Dog gettin' swol'

 3. Clint Eastwood's shoutout to Detroit.  I own a 2007 Dodge Caliber, my grandpa works for Chrysler, and I know all kinds of people in the auto industry who've been struggling, so this hit home.

 Hope your Super Bowl Sunday was filled with food and friends, and slightly blurry,
~RoB

XCD Day 6: Gateway to the Midwest

Our second-to-last day took us through St. Louis, MO.  Annie has a close friend there, so we were excited to meet up with someone who'd be in 'our part of the country'.

Day #6

We started by taking Angel to a large park in the middle of St. Louis, since he'd been itching for some outdoor time.  We immediately liked the city.  It felt so much like Ann Arbor that I was extremely jealous.  I know it has a bad rep for a city, but let's be real, we were moving from Oakland.  How much worse can anything be than Oakland?

We met up with her friend, and it was actually really fun.  It made me happy that we were just a quick drive away from each other.  I foresee some crazy, commuting weekends.  Or maybe we'll meet in Indianapolis for some debauchery.  Who knows!  The one complaint that I have about St. Louis:  the arch is a joke.  When Annie and I first talked of taking the southern route across the country, I had two landmarks that I wanted to see:  the Grand Canyon and the Arch.  The Gateway to the West.  Well, it turns out that it's not that big.  It stole all of the underwhelming feelings that I had reserved for the Grand Canyon.  I wanted it to be looming in the skyline as soon as we were within city limits.  Annie didn't even notice it until we were on top of it driving into Illinois.  We were going to stop there and ride the elevator, but once I saw it, I said we should just continue on.  Who wants to ride a choad monument?

See if you can even find the arch in this picture. I feel like most Google Images of StL are fake. It's really not that big.

This day's driving ended in Evansville, IN.  We knew a girl that had went to school here, so we again took it as a sign.  Getting a hotel was uneventful, except the prices seemed to have gone up while the quality has gone down dramatically since leaving the Southwest.  We were interested in finding another local eatery, and we were feeling adventurous after a bunch of success in Missouri.  We found a Thai place that was highly rated on Urbanspoon and Google (granted, with very few reviewers).  So, we decided to try it.  How bad could it be?

Driving there felt like the opening scenes of a horror movie.  We pulled off the main road.  Off a side road.  Over some railroad tracks, and to the end of a tiny road.  Handmade signs were posted for Thai Chow Oriental Foods, but it pretty much just looked like a barn.  Fuck it, we went in.  Sure enough, an old Thai lady was in the back whipping up something that smelled delicious, and a bunch of rednecks swarmed around her helping in the kitchen and ringing up food up front.

Most people ordered to go.  We saw a half-dozen orders get picked up while we were there.  For the few patrons that had to wait around a minute or two, great conversations were had.  We were told how everyone loves this place, even though it's practically an underground, hole-in-the wall.  Everyone was super nice, and the food was actually pretty good.  Like, I'll probably eat there next time I'm driving through Indiana.  It was super strange, but had the greatest small-town feel.  We were starting to get excited about the people in the Midwest again.  (Some people think KY is the South.  Glance at a map.)

Almost Home!

Unexpected Food #3, if you're counting,
~RoB

XCD Day 5: Missouri Hick

The 5th day was another planned long day.  We didn't have any visits along the way, so we were trying to get through Oklahoma and as far into Missouri as possible.  We were trying to meet a friend in St. Louis before our final stretch to Kentucky.  I don't really expect any of you (especially you Californians, and except for FoXxXy) to know this geography off the top of your heads, which is why I keep including maps.

Day #5

By this point in the trip, we had eaten all of the food we had packed in coolers for lunches and snacks.  So, we had to stop for lunch.  I Urbanspoon'd while we drove and found some fun-looking, local, gourmet hot dog place in Joplin, MO, just over the state line from OK.  We were driving down the main strip from the freeway to downtown Joplin when I saw a Taco Bell that looked like a bomb went off inside.  All I thought was "Where the fuck did we get off the freeway?"

The Taco Bell still looks exactly like this, except without the cars or people.  Some of the trash has been picked up, too.

It wasn't until we were eating and Annie said something like 'it looks like a tornado went through here' that the headline popped into my head.  A tornado tore through Joplin, MO, in May, 2011.  Having been there more than 6 months later, it still looks like somebody with a giant Pink Pearl eraser cleaned 1/3 of the town off the map.  You can see the path of devastation carved into the land still.  There are a few houses being rebuilt, but for the most part, it still looks beat to hell.  It made me happy that we stopped there and spent money.  It wasn't much, but they could use all the help they can get.  It also made me feel a little like Forrest Gump.  We had been present at a lot of the best and worst of the country in such a short time span.

Unlike the day before, this day ended pretty much where we had planned:  Cuba, Missouri.  Again, Cuba seemed like a sign, since it was such a random-ass name of a town in the Ozarks.  (Everywhere down there claims to be in the middle of the Ozarks.  Okay.  Whatever.)  It led to the gastronomical highlight of the trip for me.  Maybe because my stomach was done with Bdubs, or the brilliant Whole Foods curry chicken salad clone that we had stocked the cooler with, or maybe because I just had really low expectations at this point.

We decided to try another local restaurant, but this one was called Missouri Hick Bar B Que.  It was recommended to us by the fat lady behind the counter at the seedy motel we decided to stay in.  (Well, that or the nearby Huddle House, whatever that is.)  If we're being real, I was a little nervous to go inside.  It really sounds like it's a place where pretty, little, white, city boys like yours truly get their asses kicked by, well, Missouri hicks.  However, it turned out to be a swinging family joint.

And the food was amazing!  They have an array of sauces at your table for you to try on all kinds of spectacular barbecue.  I can't even remember if I got a sampler, or if I made Annie.  All I remember is shoveling in spoonfuls after forkfuls of great bbq.  Seriously, it made me so happy to be back in this part of the country.  I bought a shirt that says "Every Butt Needs A Good Rub" with a picture of a pig's butt on the back.  I haven't taken it off yet.

Seriously, eat at MO Hick BBQ if you're ever traveling through,
~RoB

Oakland Dishcrawl

Dishcrawl is a new startup.  Instead of bar-crawling, you go from restaurant to restaurant tasting great food.

We did it.  Annie and I went to the one in Oakland a few weeks back.  We started off by exploring some new condominiums in downtown Oakland (and were rewarded with cupcakes from my local fave, James & the Giant Cupcake).  The condos also had sushi and tacos from local restaurants, as well as free wine and beer.

We had art.  This Dishcrawl was on the same day as the monthly art shows that line up on Fridays (called Art Walk or something like that).  So, we added a few of those to our route.  Below are some of my favorite things.  We also bought a series of magnets from a local artist that had a cool African vibe with rhythm lines.

This reminded me of a friend's tumblr.

So cool... and sexy.  (3 separate canvasses).

We had food.  I found my new favorite burger/food truck.  fiveten Burger has some bomb-ass garlic oil fries, and even though our burgers weren't super fresh (since they cooked for 100 people or so), they were still really good.  Annie caught them a few days later and confirmed they're her new favorite burger.  Plus, Roland follows me on Twitter, so he's a cool guy.  We also got to try an Oakland staple:  Tina Tamale.  They are really good (but honestly, the burgers won that night).

We had fun.  We made some new friends.  We got invited to someone's cupcake party (but we were out of town for the Royal Wedding).  And I got to sneak peaks at some cute lesbians all night.  All in all, you should check out Dishcrawl if it comes near you.

Yes, that is a blurry CreepShot of a couple of lipstick lesbians,
~RoB

Go Blue

Annie and I had the opportunity to help a close friend paint obstacles in the playground for a preschool that she runs.  Can you find the one that we painted?

I'll give you a hint:

I don't know if I've mentioned it, but Annie's kind of a psycho when it comes to football.  I mean, I'm a huge Michigan fan, but she is insane.  It's like dating a boy.  The other day at the gym, I came out of the men's locker room to see her sitting in the lobby talking football with the guys.  Anyway, it's a big day today for the boys in blue, so I hope they crush the Irish.  After all, it is a historic night for the Big House!

At least she made the best thing that she's ever cooked in the over 8 years that I've known her last night.  It was a peach tart made from fresh peaches from the farmers' market.  Once again, you should follow that link, make it (it's simple), and thank me later.

It was her first excuse to use our fancy tart pan.

Go Blue,

~RoB

Backpacking

It was really cold, and it was flowing much faster than this picture is showing.

Annie did a great job detailing my first experience backpacking.  We went all out for my first time, and I feel very accomplished afterward.  Sweet, darling, innocent Annie was nice enough to leave out some of the details more appropriate for my blog than hers:

We delayed our trip by a day because I didn't feel spectacular.  I was in full-on allergy mode, and my domestic partner's mother decided to poison me with a concoction of over the counter medication.  I've learned not to take dosing advice from her, even though she's half my weight.  She's a professional.

Bugs are damn annoying.  I was covered in 100% Deet which smells lethal.  Almost flammable.  Yet, there were no fires, so I couldn't roast 'mallows like I'd always imagined camping entailed.  I want s'mores if I'm walking my ass that far without a shower.

How's that for a view?

We had a wine platypus.  Yeah, most people hike with these little plastic, flimsy bottles filled with water.  We are not most people.  We poured a petite sirah into one of them before leaving.  This is a level of classiness not seen before in camping.  (Except it was designed specifically for wine, so I imagine it is a top seller in yuppie sporting goods stores.)

I didn't poop for over 24 hours.  This is/was a big deal.  You're asked to pack out any toilet paper you use.  You have no clue how much toilet paper I use to wipe my ass.  I'm not clean down there until you would blow your nose in the tissue after wiping.  You also have to dig a hole for your poop.  Nope, not worth it.

I experienced what it was like to skinny dip while being sober, in the full light of day.  Skinny dipping is way more awkward than I remember it being in the past, but those incidents were always clouded by the alcohol fairy (or at least the extreme blackness of night).

This was the view from my water seat above.

I got a little whiny in the morning.  Big surprise:  a fat guy on a thin mat resting on the ground didn't find himself very comfortable.  I also got really hot.  So, sleeping didn't go as well as planed.  ~RoB minus sleep becomes Dragon Rob!  Food helped a little, so did motion in the direction of the car.

You must separate yourself from your chapstick the entire time that it is dark out.  It is unacceptable.  I need my chapstick more than I need oxygen.  More than I need sex.  (If there was a better advertisement for Chapstick, I'd like to see it.)  Apparently bears like fruity smelling things, and it was the choice between luscious, soft, creamy lips or arm wrestling a grizzly.  My brain won the argument, but just barely.  I could probably take a bear if it had my last Cherry Chapstick.

Found a teddy bear saying "I <3 Chapstick". This was next to it.  WTF?

Apparently, I purchased a fancy, new, inflatable camping mat from Annie's dad's store (30% family discount!), and we're going out for 2 days in Pt. Reyes at the end of this month.  I'll either be really good at this soon, or I'll be craigslisting a fancy, new, inflatable camping mat from Annie's dad's store.  We all know I'm meant more for a fancy hotel downtown than a rustic campsite anyway.

Happy Camping,
~RoB

Off the Ground

I dropped a gummy bear on my kitchen floor, and I immediately picked it up and popped it in my mouth.  It made me realize that I'd eat most things off of the ground.  It reminded me of a drunken time at the Rose Bowl where I pulled a fallen Jello shot out of the dirt and straw and shoved it in my pie hole.  It was more dirt and straw than Jello, and I gnawed on it like a cow, but I managed.

Though this isn't an extensive list, it is a collection of those things that I would immediately eat off of the ground without any consideration:

• Gummy Bears
• Bagel Bites
• Gummy Worms
• Pizza Rolls
• Sweethearts born before 2010 (they got shitty last year)
• Charles Chocolates' Orange Twigs (went out of business, so I'd scrape it off if it was squished)
• Jello Shots, apparently
• Sixlets
• Just about anything else that's sweet

I do know that both a wasabi pea and a savory rice cracker spent a significant amount of time (read: months) on the floor of my office without being eaten.  I'm looking at the savory rice cracker as I write this.

Oh, apparently the 5 Second Rule is bullshit, but fuck science.  Who eats bologna anyway?  Hell, who has carpet?  Eating bacteria keeps you strong and your body's defenses vigilant.  I say that without any actual knowledge.

Anyway, in payment for my vacation and the sporadic posting that 3 weddings in the next 5 weeks (as well as football season) will force, you should make and eat this (not on the floor): a Cookie Dough Pie.

This is what it looked like when I made it. Get your own! (Couldn't be easier.)

Happy to be back,
~RoB

Happy 69th Birthday, Granny

For those readers who have followed along since the beginning (I thank you), you are well aware that Granny has had a rough year.  She's been the inspiration of most of my best true stories, so I'm glad she pulled through.  She landed in the hospital on Xmas Day with a leg infection, which led to lung cancer diagnoses, which led to a bad incident at home when she was released, which dragged her back to the hospital, which led to a stroke, which led to possible lung cancer diagnosis on the other lung (ended up being negative), which led to living in a rehab facility, which finally led to her being home after 3 months of rotating in and out of hospitals and facilities.

For a while, she was a little difficult to talk to on the phone.  These days she sounds amazing.  For the first time since I've known her, she isn't drinking or smoking.  She says she's eating more than she's ever remembered, and she's slowly gaining back all the weight she lost.  She still has to use a walker, and steps are extremely difficult, but she's still around and doing better and better, and we're happy to celebrate the big 69!

In keeping this post all warm and cozy, I thought I would brag about the Mothers' Day Brunch Menu that cooked yesterday for Annie's mom, grandfather, and her grandfather's lady-friend:

Lemon Brioche French Toast & Minted Raspberries

Veggie Eggs Benedict w/ Tomatoes & Avocados

Strawberry Shortcake w/ Homemade Whipped Cream

You need to try the recipe for the lemon french toast casserole.  Quite easy, and it was really, really good.  I used challah.  The hollandaise sauce was made fresh from Julia Child's cookbook.  (The first batch curdled when I was trying to keep it warm since the guests were running late).  The challah, sourdough english muffins, and the sponge cups in the shortcake were the only things that weren't made from scratch.  The shortcake cups were the only things that weren't spectacular.  Big secret: splash of balsamic vinegar in the strawberries!

Enjoy eating and your family, and count this as the good karma post to make up for most of my others,
~RoB

Cycle of a Food Addict

There are some people out there that love food, yet don't have the body shape to show for it.  For all the rest of us, the euphoric feelings we get from amazing food, instead of treating us nicely, slowly increase our blood sugar, add rolls to our muffin tops, and increase our risk for every bad ailment under the sun.  (How cruel is it that even the cutesy description given to the overhanging tummy of an obese person sounds yummy?)

Anyway, I just went through another 'fat cycle', and I thought I would let you all in on what it's like.

Day -1: You get on a scale, and the numbers that pop up are about 10 pounds more than you were last time you were brave enough to get on (and about 25 pounds more than it should be for someone your height).  Mild depression lingers on the edge of your emotions, but you shrug it off.

I hate you.

Day 1: You wake up and decide that this is finally the time to take over your diet and really lose the weight.  You'll be hot in no time, if you just stick to it this time.  You have a healthy breakfast, marking down everything you ate and all of their nutritional contents.  You've trimmed your regular intake back, and you're ready to fight hunger face-to-face.

Day 1.5: The hunger is as you expected.  You keep opening that cupboard (or desk drawer at work) to snag one little extra sweet thing to hold you over.  Ha, hunger, those cookies got thrown away!  You're serious this time.

Day 2: You wake up happy to have defeated your first day.  You know the first few days are the hardest, but you are going to work just as hard today.  Planning each meal and snack of the day already seems like an endless task, but those skinny people must do it, so you will, too.

Day 2.5: The hunger is apparent, but you've already defeated it yesterday.  You are rock solid, because you are serious this time.  Avoid commercials, avoid talking about food, and certainly don't look up the menu to that restaurant you've been thinking about trying.  Even though its your present to yourself  after you've shed some of this weight.  Hunger is still hanging out back there, deliciously in full-color in your mind.

Eat me.

Day 2.7: You are out for your first jog in a very long time.  You are surprised how much energy you have.  This must be the secret.  Eating well and keeping track of everything gives you energy.  It will only get better from here.

Days 3-5: You've been amazing.  You even sneaked on the scale to get a glimpse of your progress.  You've totally lost some weight, and you are interpolating how much more you can lose by the next big holiday.  People are going to be so proud of you when you walk in showing off that new bod.  You've been exercising, you've been eating right.  You've been perfect.

Day 6.5: You've been perfect for a whole week now.  You haven't had a single dessert.  You've been chewing gum or sucking on cough drops to curb cravings.  You're out with friends at dinner, and you decide that you're going to treat your hard work with the dessert menu.  You're not going to go crazy, but you definitely deserve it.

Day 7.5: You've had no energy all day.  Hunger has shown up with friends.  All you can think about is how good that small dessert was last night.  Maybe you should buy something dessert-y and treat yourself a few times a week, in moderation, in order to keep yourself on track.  You swing by the grocery store and pick up a package of oreos.

Day 7.8: A good movie is on TV.  It's Sunday and you have to work tomorrow.  You're just going to relax and watch the movie.  Wouldn't it be fun to have a few oreos?  Technically, you've been really good, still.  This is a perfect opportunity to work on deliciousness in moderation.  Those salads have been quite drab, haven't they?  So you pull the package into the living room with a glass of milk.  You pull out 3 cookies, because that's what the nutritional info says is one serving.  You slowly eat each cookie, trying to get as much of the orgasmic, sugary goodness from each bite that you can.  The third cookie is gone, and you feel like you barely had any.
3 more cookies come out, but you've sealed the cookies this time.  You're serious.
The movie is pretty good.  So were those other three cookies.  Ok, one more, and you take them back to the cupboard...
You sit down, but now you are starting to care less about the movie...
You realize that you had 1 cookie, so you might as well eat 2 more to make it easy to calculate the nutrition in your log...
You get up to grab 2 cookies, but you know you have to leave those cookies in the cupboard or you'll just eat more...
Those cookies are done, but the movie is still going...
You blink, and the package is in front of you... empty.

Day 8: Guilt.  You'd been doing so well.  This is precisely why you are fat.  You have no self control.  Yes, the oreos were amazing, but you really have to change the way you look at food if you're ever going to change.

Day 8.7: Fuck it.  I already ruined it last night.  Let's order the pizza from the commercials that I keep seeing.

Day 10: You've pretty much gone on to business as usual.  You decide it can't be that bad.  You did, after all, have a whole week of watching your diet.  You step on the scale.

Fuck you.

Day 10 becomes Day -1.
The cycle continues.


You have no clue how many times I had to replace 'I' with 'you' in order to make this about all of us, instead of my battle of the bulge.  I'm hoping the recognition that all of us go through this motivates both myself and any of you that struggle with food and weight (and even body image).

I've heard the secret is to not make drastic changes overnight, but I've always been a very black-white/yes-no/no compromise person.  One day it'll work out, though, right?

Hopes he's in a prolonged Day 3 mode, but knows he just had a Day 8,
~RoB

Sonoma Valley Trip

On Friday, Annie and I got to experience our first pickup party as wine club members.  It was fun, and I truly believe that we found one of the hidden gems of Napa/Sonoma Wine Country: Hook & Ladder Winery.  Their wine is delicious, super reasonably priced, and their tasting room is the most welcoming environment I've found in all of my wine tasting travels.  Friday, we showed up about 20 minutes before closing.  It was jam packed full of people, and we were immediately nervous about who we check in with and where to stand and how everything works.

Five seconds after we were through the door, one of the ladies pouring yelled over for us to come join her while she found us 2 clean glasses.  Every person I talk to there is more than willing to tell you everything they know and to make you feel as comfortable as possible.  Then, when they gave me the total bill for this quarter's club shipment and all the extra wine we had bought there, it was about $50 less than I expected.  We just kept adding bottles, since it felt that cheap!  The worst part about it was that they had sold out of my favorite vintages of my favorite wines, but I can't really complain that they make good, popular wine for such a small winery!

We woke up Saturday morning and hit up the Healdsburg Downtown Bakery & Creamery to try their doughnut muffins (among other things) since they were featured on Best Thing I Ever Ate.  They were good, but not nearly as good as their Pain au Chocolat or their Sticky Buns (we got both while they were warm)!!!  Then we went to pick up our quarterly olive oil shipment from Dry Creek Olive Company.  We're part of their olive oil club (just like a wine club, but cooler).  The guy there remembered me, which always makes me feel like a VIP, and we tried some of their just-released, new oils.  This place is always great, they have bocci ball on site, and we're seeing them pop up more and more in Norcal.  I really wish they had a facebook or twitter page so I could hype them more!

Finally, we spent the rest of the day tasting at 5 other tasting rooms (3 of them at wineries) while driving south to head home.

Big Surprises
Kaz Winery.  We went there because we have made friends with someone in the Bay Area with really close connections.  Our friend got us a free tasting of their whole fleet of wines, and Kaz was happy to give us the 'friends' discount which was RIDICULOUS!  We bought a 1/2 case of their wine.  For those of you that know us, this is a TON of wine for one winery.  We were worried that it wasn't going to be good, but that we would power through to save face with our friend.  We were wrong.  Their alicante blew my mind.  We even did some port tasting, which is usually not one of Annie's things.  She liked it so much that we bought one just for her!  Heck, we even bought a bottle of their hot sauce!!

Also, we ate at Zazu, which is a restaurant adjacent to the farm that's providing most of the food.  They make and sell their own bacon.  The food wasn't spectacular, but their bacon-wrapped dates were superb.  We bought a package of their bacon to take home.  We ate the whole package Sunday morning.

Disappointments
In asking around for winery suggestions before going to Sonoma, we heard Benziger a few times.  I even started to see it more at retailers (though I think that's because I always used to confuse it with Beringer).  Their property is gigantic, and they were in the middle of a huge party for their wine club members.  That wasn't a big deal, since it was separate and didn't really clog up the tasting room.  Though nobody was rude or snobby, big places like that just don't have the same warm feeling that Sonoma does so well.  You never feel like anybody cares rather or not you like their wine.  2 of their wines were absolutely amazing, but I couldn't afford a single bottle in their reserve tasting room.  They did move us halfway through our tasting to an even cooler room (just us and one other couple tasting) because the first reserve room was filling up, but that didn't really make it any better.  They also overcharged my card for an extra tasting, and the lady had the hardest time fixing it.  She ended up giving me her card and saying, "In case you get charged for 2 extra, which may have happened at this point, feel free to call and give them my name."  We got a free tasting for their sister winery, Imagery, and we're hoping we have a better time there.  One other thing to mention is that they are a biodynamic winery, and if you have any interest in super-organic woo-woo farming, you should research what biodynamic means.

Annie and I live off Cline Ancient Vine Zinfandel.  They sell it at Trader Joes and BevMo! and other wine retailers.  So, we were enthusiastic to hear that the wines they pour at their winery aren't mass-produced or widely distributed.  When we showed up, it was the end of a huge party (April in Carneros), so the property was filled with intoxicated people.  We got to taste everything we wanted for free, but the environment wasn't that inviting.  The kid pouring our wine couldn't have been more than 19, and he was pretty tied up by 3 drunken 19-yr-old-looking girls.  At least he admitted "a few of these wines are cheaper at BevMo!" for those wines that they actually sell at BevMo! (not the wines we were tasting).  I'll definitely be going back here once I can find an odd time where they'll be empty and able to treat me like the huge fan that I am.

Other places
Mutt Lynch, a dog winery that Angel was invited into and treated like the princess he is.
Deux Amis, a winery that shares a tasting room with Mutt Lynch, but I couldn't sip without my big nose being in the way of the shape of their small tasting glasses.
Glen Ellen Market, a gigantic deli with good food right next to Benziger.

One great moment of the day was at Mutt Lynch/Deux Amis when a group of 4 friends came in and tasted.  As they were leaving, they told one of the pourers they were heading over to Napa Valley and asked if they had any recommendations.  None of the 3 pourers in the room could think of a single place, since they all "hadn't been to Napa in years."  It's so funny to think that they are so close, yet there is really no reason to go spend money in Napa when you're surrounded by amazing, cheap wine in Sonoma!!

If you are heading up to either Napa or Sonoma in the near future, I'd be happy to tag along or just offer advice,
~RoB

Food & Sex

I'm always the moody one.  I have really severe mood swings sometimes.  I even spent a few sessions with a psychologist exploring rather or not I am bipolar (I took an online quiz through my medical center, and it said to do just that).  I'm pretty good at controlling myself in public, but I usually let it fly when I'm home.  Two things are the reasons for 90%+ of my tantrums: food & sex.  If I'm deprived of either for too long, I turn into a monster.  I'd like to say that it happens slowly, but that'd be a lie.  Something clicks, and I crave misery in every human being around me.  I've never actually been violent or anything, but I certainly have crazy scenarios flashing in my head.  Wow, that sounds so sociopathic (word?), I should probably delete it.

Last night, Annie pulled one on me.  Driving home from TJ's, I hit a turn that knocked over our single bag of groceries, that she had just paid for.  A carton of eggs topped the bag, and she was infuriated at my inability to either pack it securely or drive appropriately.  She was convinced the eggs were broken, and she got all Italian on me: yelling, hand motions going crazy, slamming the door, general craziness.  When she got out, I drove away and left her in the rain.  (I had the keys, since I was driving.)

I got mad at her anger, and it only got worse as I realized that she snapped... just like I do sometimes.  There's absolutely no room for introspection in this damn blog, so here's a crazy simple cake recipe, passed down from Annie's grandfather's lady-friend.  I made it yesterday (used up all the eggs), and it was pretty good.

Triple Chocolate Cake
1 pkg Chocolate Cake Mix (I prefer Duncan Hines Devils Food)
1 c Chocolate Chips (Nestle Toll House, as if there were others worth buying)
3.9 oz. pkg Instant Chocolate Pudding (Jell-O)
1/2 c Oil (I use Canola, Safflower, or Olive, in that order)
4 Eggs
1-1/4 c Water (I hold no allegiance to any water)
Bake in a preheated oven at 350 for 40-45 minutes (I did 45 mins).

I served it with Chocolate Cabernet Sauce drizzled over it, making it Quadruple Chocolate Cake, and certainly crossing the threshold of appropriate chocolate consumption.  Crossing lines.  That's what I do.

No eggs were actually harmed in the making of this post; she was wrong,
~RoB

Pee & Ugly People

I've apparently started a bad habit.  I promise to stop once I bring this last load up from L.A. Sunday night.  The worst part was Annie got off in about 15 minutes.  She apparently doesn't check her text messages while driving.  Geez, people.  We have this technology to use!  By the way, Bay Area traffic is almost as frustrating as L.A. traffic.  I also memorized that some kid was abducted in a Silver Toyota Corolla license plate 6BHW445; it was all over the freeway during my ridiculous amount of driving today.

Back to pee, whenever I do it in my car, I feel so redneck.  It reminds me when I drove to Chicago with a friend in high school, borrowing my grandpa's truck.  We found a jug of pee in the door.  Upon returning, he explained that when he's driving to work and throwing back a few brewskies (yes, simultaneously), he prefers to pee in a jug as opposed to stopping to pee somewhere.  Awesome.  No big surprise for a guy who has a big detergent tub in our garage for peeing into.  I'm so white trash!  Guess this gets put into the same category as peeing in the shower: weird urinating habits.  Maybe I do have some sort of problem...

On another note, I forgot how funny looking the people were in the bay area.  You get so spoiled in L.A.  Everyone is so hot!  I mean, at least people in the bay are skinny (skinny, not in good shape) unlike the herds of buffalo you find in the Midwest.  They're just funny looking.  I know that I'm plain ugly, and that I'm certainly not sporting a six-pack, but it is us ugly people that end up being the shallowest, since we learn quite young how much physical attractiveness factors into the ease of daily life.

Applied to 8 more jobs today, totaling 31 so far.  Heard back from 3 tutoring places, but I haven't made any commitments.  I'm driving to L.A. tomorrow, so I have some time off from the job search.  We have tickets to the U.S. soccer match, and I'm dying to go to Scarpetta before leaving L.A. permanently.  I'm considering flying back to MI to visit granny (and my cuz) who are both in the hospital now.  I think that's it for my life today.

Funny looking,
~RoB