Challenges

Annie and I are constantly challenging ourselves to be better people.  And by that, I mean we literally have little challenges to find out who is the better person.

We went sans chain establishments for about half a year.  This was a great challenge that we started after Earth Day 2010.  For the first month, everything had to be free of chains, emphasizing the importance of sustainability and local economies.  Our rule was that it had to have no more stores than Sprinkles to be considered a local chain.  Food was purchased at farmers markets and local grocers.  Auto repair was done at local repair shops.  Gas purchased from independent fuel providers.  It was a wonderfully healthy and informative time.  We eventually settled on no chains that would benefit us the most (so I couldn't eat at chain restaurants and she couldn't drink chain coffee).  We both decided to break it together when we went to a Buffalo Wild Wings to watch a Michigan Football game.  It definitely helped permanently ween me off my addiction to fast food.  (Though who doesn't like an Egg McMuffin every once in a while?)

Eat me. Don't forget hash browns.

We've tried to tabulate everything we ate.  I had built this huge spreadsheet with nutritional information for just about any food I've come into contact with in the past 6 months or so.  It was part of my bout with nutritionists to figure out why I'm so fat even though I'm so active.  This fell apart after a week or two, but I still use it to track my weight (which is still kind of disappointing).

We've even attempted to co-author a book.  It was a fictional dystopia story where we got to point out everything we felt was wrong with society and try to fix it.  We collaborated on it via Google Docs while we were living in different parts of California.  It's so frustrating to have somebody judging everything your writing during a brainstorming session.  It fell apart pretty quickly.  No... it was a huge failure.

We've tried to minimize our electricity use.  (I'll claim that I am one of the greenest electricity users I know.)  The goal was to only have one light on per person when we're home.  I can typically spend a whole night in my house without lights.  It also included turning off computers more often.  I still feel like I run around turning off lights not being used.

Our current challenge has been to not say anything mean to each other.  We're both extremely critical about everyone and every thing.  Since we're constantly around each other, we have no choice but to continuously point out physical and personality flaws in each other.  I'd even go so far as to say we're downright rude to each other on a regular basis.

So, as we walked out of Oakland's City Hall after processing our domestic partnership, I came up with the challenge to be nice to each other.  Sounds easy, right?  We wanted to see how long we could go.  We were confident that it would reset a few times in the first few days (or hours).  However, we're coming on a week.  I'm kind of surprised how much more I like her now.

It's probably because we haven't spent much time together in the last few weeks (between my Zumba career and her Les Mis rehearsals).  But I think it mostly has to do with not being called fat every day, and me not having to call somebody funny-looking or dumb.  There's been significantly less whining about nit-picky things that nobody but the two of us can point out about each other.  Is this what the rest of your relationships look like?  No wonder you're all married already.

I'm still the smarter partner,
~RoB

Domestic Partna'

My internship at the wind farm ends next week, when I will once again return to the ranks of the nation's funemployed.  Since I've started working out approximately 5 days a week (between volleyball, teaching Zumba, and starting to weight lift again), it is only a matter of time before I injure myself.  I haven't had any type of health insurance since I dropped out of UCLA in January.  So, Annie, in all of her wisdom, demanded that I look into purchasing my own health insurance.  It costs so much $$ to insure yourself, independent of your workplace.

So, Annie looked into adding me to her policy.  Ways to get on hers: marry her, be a dependent child of hers, or come up with some sort of legal relationship that is recognized where she lives.  So, some research was done.  Can we be domestic partners?  In the state of CA... nope.  Per the State of California Declaration of Domestic Partnership, we did not meet one of the requirements:

Both persons are members of the same sex, OR one or both of the persons of opposite sex are over the age of 62...

So, I gave up.  Annie continued digging, though.  It turns out that we actually meet all of the requirements for the City of Oakland's Domestic Partnership:

• We are both over 18 years of age and have chosen to share one another's lives in an intimate and committed relationship of mutual caring;
• We live together;
• We are jointly responsible for basic living expenses which we incur during the domestic partnership;
• One of us is an employee of the City of Oakland, or both of us reside together within the city limits;
• Neither of us are married, nor are we related to each other in a way which would bar marriage in California;
• Neither of us has had a different domestic partner less than six months prior to signing this Affidavit;
• We agree to notify the City of any changes in the status of our domestic partnership agreement.

So, we made an appointment and signed the City of Oakland Notarized Affidavit of Domestic Partnership on Friday afternoon:

Throughout all of the forms, we put Annie's name first, and my name still came out first-billed.  Men rule!

First of all, you cannot be in a domestic partnership in the Bay Area and not feel like a Gay Rights activist.  This is slightly humorous karma.  A year or two ago, in the middle of the Gay Marriage debate, I was so upset by the ridiculousness of the homophobic movement that I said that I would refuse to get married until all of my friends could.  I said that I would only get a domestic partnership.  To be honest, I was kind of talking out of my ass at the time.  Who knew it would come true?!

Second, I have no doubt that we will get married at some point in the future.  Weddings are just so expensive, and we'll be paying for it entirely on our own.  Plus, I'm still really unstable until I find a career that I'm satisfied with (or return to school), so it isn't a safe time to try and nail me down yet.  Also, we'd like to register at some really classy places, so we need this recession to run its course and let all of our close friends get really good, high paying jobs for top-notch presents.  ;)

Third, it is really sad how informal a domestic partnership registration feels.  It makes me a little sad for gay couples.  We discovered we were eligible on Monday, discussed it, made an appointment on Tuesday, and showed up on Friday to fill out the 30-second form in street clothes.  There was nobody else in the office, aside from the person helping us, and we were done in 10 minutes.  Is this all that a marriage certificate feels like?  I always imagine it being a much more thorough process.  (Also, what do people do with their marriage certificates?  I've never seen them on display.  Why not?  Our domestic partnership is framed!)

Fourth, I can't stop calling our domestic partnership a 'gay marriage'.  I recognize that it is probably really offensive.  (Me? Offensive?)  It started as a way to continue to put into perspective that this process, that we aren't taking very seriously, is ALL that gay people get.  Annie hates it when I say that we got 'gay married', so I'm trying to stop using it.  It just flows so much better than 'domestic partnership' though.  Maybe in older times...

Lastly, we are already learning a bunch of the differences between marriage and domestic partnerships:

• Our partnership may not be recognized anywhere outside of Oakland.
• Hospitals and inheritances don't usually consider us legally bound.
• If Annie adopts a baby, I'm not the legal parent.  I'd have to also adopt it, afterwards.
• If we were married, my health insurance costs would come out pre-tax, but that is not the case for DPs.
• We're eligible for a Joint Membership to the University of Michigan Alumni Association (which means we'll probably become life members at the next renewal).  This was one of the big sellers for me, since I tried to make this happen 3 years ago.
• There's no real way to keep track of us if we move outside of Oakland, so I guess we're domestic partners in Oakland for life, or until we notify them otherwise.

Should you send gifts?  Probably, but save the big stuff for when we get married in 2025 (judging from how long it took her to get me to make this much of a commitment).

Expect to hear me talking like a cowboy frequently, because I hear John Wayne's voice in my head every time I say domestic partna',
~RoB