Tuesday, July 10, 2012

Trivia Team Names

Since moving to Lexington, Annie and I have joined our new friends in playing trivia on Monday nights at a nearby bar. Actually, we just switched bars because the manager at The Pub on Monday nights is a total cunt. Anyway, we kept the same name every week at the Pub as part of a year-long competition. That doesn't exist at the new bar we go to, but instead has a prize every week for the best team name.

I feel like that puts a lot of pressure on my shoulders, since I have the dirtiest mind, the most time on my hands, tend to keep up with current news, and I'm witty. By the way, this place is 'anything goes' as far as how bad your name can be. Also, 'names' more commonly refers to 'long-ass punchlines'.

We haven't won best name yet, even though I've come up with 3 solid names thus far:
  • Rodney King's Swim Coach
  • Menage a Trois w/ Tatum & McConaughey
  • Life is like a box of chocolates, it doesn't last long if you're FAT!
We've been beaten by team names like:
  • Anderson 'takes it in the pooper' Cooper
  • I may have lost my virginity, but I still have the box it came in
  • Rodney King beats Sheriff Taylor to death, who saw that coming!
Yesterday, I spent a good deal of time trying to be punny or funny about current events:
  • I finish faster than the San Diego fireworks
  • Harry Potter tricked Cruise into handing Holmes a sock
  • Mike McQueary is a cock blocker

I also spent way too much time yesterday trying to figure out something for "Higgs boson".  When I ran them all by Annie, I realized that you needed the mental image in my head for them to work, and you still might not realize it's a Higgs boson reference.  So, here are the Higgs boson puns I came up with, which are now the newest Higgs boson memes on the market.

I'm not sure why the Muppets were primary characters in the puns I thought of.  Also, it was difficult to come up with something that matched the spoonerism of Higgs boson -> Biggs hose on.  I think it works, though.

Aside from that, it's been a good deal of internet research to find what great team names other people have come up with.  There's a good deal of them in reference to Gary Coleman:
  • Gary Coleman had a short life
  • Death: the closest Gary Coleman got to 6 feet
  • Gary Coleman had a different stroke
Now, on my phone, I am collecting a growing list of my favorite team names from the interwebz.  Here are a few:
  • The Jackson 4
  • Betty White can't wrestle, but you should see her Box
  • Beer Makes Smart
  • Cake Farts
  • Who's Your Daddy, and what does he do?
  • 2 Guys, 1 Cup
  • Wilford Brimley's Diabetus
  • Diarrhea of Anne Frank
  • Cupid Stunts
  • Truffle Shufflers
  • Dysenteryaki
  • Don't cum on my Snuggie
  • This microphone smells like my dad's dick
  • Silence is Golden, Duct Tape is Sticky
  • Cocaine Smells Good
  • It burns when I Quiz

If you hear some, especially regarding current news, I'd love to see/steal them!


  1. The former trumpets' team name for a good year or two was "It burns when I quiz". I like that one but it's a bit stale, so we switched to "Quiz on her face" recently. I might steal one of these though.

  2. I wish anne frank had been around to see home alone... we play here in lexington as well and we won best team name with this gem.