Homeless Signs

The other day, Annie and I were stopped at a stoplight.  I started laughing hysterically for what seemed like no reason at all.  She gave me the 'what the fuck is wrong with you?' face.  Anytime something like this happens, it's always a longer story than you would expect.  Especially since I had just rapidly thought about a few things in mere seconds that culminated in my laughing outbreak  Here is what happened.

A homeless lady had a sign that she was holding up beside the intersection.  (Homelessness is ridiculous in the Bay Area.)  It said something like "Your going to have a better day if you give me $$".  My first thought was:  come on, lady, that's the wrong 'your' (*you're).  Then I realized that I was truly an awful person for judging a homeless person's grammar.  She probably has more important things to think about, like what fad diet is going to help her drop those last few pounds for bikini season.  Then I went on to think that I didn't care.  If homeless people know how to write in English, they had to have learned it somewhere, and that they shouldn't expect people to give them money if their English is that horrific.  Then I started laughing, because I realized that, once again, I was judging a homeless person for not carefully spell-checking their cardboard sign.  (Though spell-check doesn't work for grammar errors.)

So, there's no surprise when I tell you that I have urges to make fun of homeless people's signs.  If I had more money, I would work it out to make passive aggressive signs that mock their signs and stand next to them.  However, I'm lazy and poor, so I'll just give you a glimpse of what I'm thinking, and you can imagine how awesome the whole series would be.

Please don't stare at me with sad eyes when I'm exploiting you.

There was a guy in SF last weekend that had a sign that read "Let's be honest, I'm saving for a hooker."  It made me giggle, and I thought that was worth $1.  I didn't give him one, though, for 2 reasons.  1) That'd be a really shitty day for a hooker.  2) "Honest" homeless signs like this have been popping up alot lately, so I didn't deem it creative enough.

No worries, these peeps are still creating a few brilliant signs:

And, no, I didn't give any of these people money,
~RoB

"I'm broke as fuck, and you smell like piss." - Jenna Marbles (I just realized 'The Face' was uploaded on my birthday.  We're destined to be together.)

NASCAR is Trash

So, I'm driving to work, and I'm immediately inspired to write another 'Oakland has funny signs' post.  One of the 'upcoming exits' signs had been covered with a banner that said "Gang Injunctions = Racial Profiling".  First of all, that's just moronic.  Secondly.... wtf?  Is that a decorated Geo Metro?

I do not condone driving and taking pictures with your camera phone.  Yes, I'm a hypocrite.

Let's start with the fact that NASCAR is too white trash for even me, which is saying something.  I grew up in Southeast Michigan, in a town entirely employed by the Big 3 (American car companies need a new name like Screwed 3), where every child grows up with a greasy wrench in their hand, and my family was a racist pack of Miller Lite drinking rednecks.  Sounds like ideal NASCAR climate, right?  Sure was.  Maybe that's one of the big reasons I'm so against it.

I'm proud to say that I had to look up who drove the 48 car.

Anyway, this car is cruising down I-580, and I can't help but make fun of them.  NASCAR is so stupid.  Is it racist to say that I'm surprised it was driven by a hispanic woman?  (I had 'hispanic-looking' and decided this was not the place to try and be PC all of a sudden.)  Not the demographic (race or gender) I would expect to be enthused enough to do this to her car.  I pray that she lost a bet, or that this is her (white) boyfriend's car.

In the summer of 2008, when gas hit those ridiculous prices, I did some back of the envelope calculations determining how much gas each NASCAR race consumed, and how much was consumed during a whole racing season.  The number was astronomical.  I immediately formed the stance that if you watch NASCAR, you are absolutely not allowed to bitch about high gas prices.  It's called supply in demand.  It's all your fault.  Need I also mention the republican-led decisions to continue funding NASCAR while cutting funds for Planned Parenthood & NPR!?!

Totally the demographic I expected to have a car like this (except I'm too good for beer and wife-beaters),
~RoB

Unauthorized Standing Zone

Oakland has great signs.  I'm the last person that should enter this place, though it stands in the center of a Trader Joes / Walgreens parking lot:

I shouldn't even stand near it.

I just really appreciate the ingenuity in making this sign.  They didn't just rearrange letters like some church marquee.  (One-a-day Bananagrams calendar skills made me think of 'A PORN KING'.)  They wen't outside of the box and made the letters into whatever they could imagine.  The extremely high quality of the original sign probably made the whole caper quite difficult.

I can't help but think about a story from one of my best friends from high school.  His kid sister once asked "What happens when it comes out in the front?".  I still can't keep my shit straight when she's around.

Forever farting, far away from the dumpsters that this sign protects,
~RoB