Tuesday, October 18, 2011

The Best Thing Ever

Since I'm manning up and trying to find a reason not to work at the wind farm any more (by either finding another job, or convincing Annie to fully support me, or convincing her to move), I figured I'd do a few segments on the personalities I deal with here.  There are a few people here that make coming to work fun and worth it.  Those people don't need to be discussed in the blog.  They make me happy.  But there are those that make me wanna walk into traffic.  One in particular:  Best Thing Ever guy.

It usually starts like this:  we're sitting around at lunch.  We're discussing some random thing.  Best Thing Ever pulls out a "have you guys ever heard of X?"  None of us, ever, have ever heard of what he comes up with.  "Oh, it's just the best thing ever in regards to X."  Doesn't matter what.  Movies, Coffee, Dystopic Novels, Tequila, Video Games, Models, TV, Life.  He's just so happened to not only have heard of, but also experienced the best thing ever of whatever you're discussing.  Just thought that he'd slip that into the convo.

Or, somehow, the conversation will be slipped to a place where he can be Best Thing Ever guy.  "Animal Planet, eh?  You know what the best animal is?  Cows.  And cows make leather.  And leather makes shoes.  And I just so happened to have tried these pair of shoes from the West Indies that are the Best Thing Ever.  Seriously, you can look them up on Google."  How the fuck did we get to shoes, again?

He's also the geekiest name-dropper I've ever met.  "My old boss was a Fulbright, Rhodes, [everything else].... Scholar who blah blah blah".  I think he just reads things on reddit.  But no, he's 'met' these people.  "I talked to X, he's only like the most influential person in Y, and you haven't heard of him?"  Nope.  In my free time, I watch porn.

And he smells.  In his defense, it's gotten better since the first 2 weeks.  The first 2 weeks were brutal.  I almost quit, since I was forced to train him.  The whole building I work in smelled.  He made some jokes at lunch about how it was because he's playing StarCraft 2 so much.  No seriously, you smelled awful.  Clean your ears.

And now you are thoroughly familiar with Best Thing Ever guy.  Sad that these 4 small paragraphs so accurately describe him.  He kinda irks me if it's not obvious.

He tells me how to do my job, or how he knows something more than me one more time, and a baseball bat will 'magically' appear in my hands.  Needs more days off,


  1. My dad was in the navy with a guy like that. Some of the guys would "talk" about buying something top of the line. A few days later, he'd go out and buy the one better. This also lead him to buying one of the fastest production motorcycles of the time, and having him crash it within at week at 100+ mph.

  2. Best real life story with a lesson I've ever heard. Thanks, E.J!

  3. I wish I had a witty comment. I don't but I feel your pain!

  4. You know I've actually read the best blog ever...and it was so awesome.