Friday, October 21, 2011


A few weeks ago, what must be the fattest mosquito in Northern California tormented me throughout the night. I could hear him buzzing around.  And he bit me.  I covered myself up to my chin (fat people can't cover their faces with blankets cuz they'll die of overheating).  Yet, it still wouldn't leave me alone.  I feel like I was up for hours, shaking the blankets near my face so that it would leave me alone.  So, I got up and stomped out of the room to go sleep in the drafty living room.  It woke Annie up, to which she just looked at me.  I responded to her odd look with, "fucking mosquito won't leave me alone!"  And I went and slept on our couch.

The next morning, Annie asked me what happened.  It turns out that my actions didn't seem as put together as I though they were.

I saw:  a frustrated ~RoB making a logical decision to move to a portion of the house where the breeze would keep the torturous mosquito away from me.

Annie saw:  a sleep-drunkened, senseless boy stammering off into the hallway mumbling something about mosquitoes?

She thought I dreamt the whole thing.  The mosquito didn't bother her at all.  They never do.  They're always more interested in the sweet nectar that is my blood.  They annoyed the hell out of me everywhere in Michigan. One even went so far as to suck on my fresh tattoo.  Little fuckers.

These weren't the only notable mosquito mishaps in recent memory.  One actually embarrassed Annie.

We're at the Michigan Men's Soccer game at their fancy, new stadium in south Ann Arbor.  We snuck in with ancient MCards, and we sat adjacent to the student section.  Within a few minutes, Annie's jaw dropped as Stu Douglass and Tim Hardaway, Jr and some other stars from the Michigan Men's Basketball team showed up and sat a section over from us.  We were trying to enjoy the game when a mosquito decided he wanted to play 'tough guy' and start annoying the hell out of me.  So I kept trying to kill it.

I saw:  an annoyed ~RoB slapping at an evil mosquito in an attempt to kill it before he bites me, makes me itchy, and forces me to scratch myself until I'm bleeding.

Annie saw:  a mentally underdeveloped boy celebrating his trip to the soccer match through slow, sporadic applause.

Actually, who knows what Annie saw.  It's possible she understood.  However, she could also see that the MBB team was sitting right beside us.  She grabbed my upper, right arm, looked into my eyes, and in all seriousness said, "Stop.  You look special."  It's very possible that, at that moment, I could have looked really special.  It made me laugh.  Hard.

So, yeah.  Mosquitoes can go to hell.

Apparently, it's bug week here at ~RoB-ing the Line,

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