Tuesday, May 29, 2012

Your Hubcap

So, I'm driving in downtown Lexington.  Suddenly, in front of me and a lane to my right, the hubcap comes off of a car's rear driver-side wheel, and continues to roll parallel to the car for 10 feet or so.  Then it makes a pretty sharp left turn, speeds across traffic, and hits another car right in its driver-side door.  The hubcap looked pretty plastic, so I don't even know if the car that was struck knew what happened.  They might have thought they hit a pothole.

Anyway, I honked my horn a few times.  I pulled up next to the now hubcap-less car and reached over to my passenger window to roll it down.  (No, I don't have power windows, which makes moments like this even more awkward.)  I gave the other driver a few different hand gestures to say 'roll your damn window down', but all she gave me in return was the Jenna Marbles' face.

Jenna Marbles' face
Then she hit her gas and sped ahead of me.  First of all, even on my worst day, I don't look that fucking weird.  I have a face that you want to giggle at, not one that should scare you.  I wasn't shirtless.  I wasn't wagging my penis at her.  I was legitimately trying to let her know that she could go pick up her cheap-ass hubcap off the road before it gets run over.  She could probably still reattach it if she hurries.

I pulled up on more time and pointed at her wheel.  She might have thought I was pointing at her gas tank.  Hell, I don't know what she was thinking.  Then she leans back and her boyfriend get's all tough guy 'What? What? You got somethin' to say?'

At this point, I just look like an ass, and I'm trying to HELP these morons.  I really just wanted to swerve and slam my car into these people.  Luckily, the driver, Jenna-face intact, made a right turn at the next intersection.  I wish I would have busted a U-turn and drove over their shitty, plastic hubcap.

Don't be such freaks, Lexington,


  1. me and cindy have a pretty beatdown old car. it's got dents down the passenger side that we don't care to fix. Often in Tucson (and once in LA) dudes in trucks will pull up at stop lights and get our attention to ask if we want it fixed because they or someone they know works at a body shop. it's guaranteed to be asked in a skeevy way.

    this one time a dude pulled up to us and started pointing back at the backside of our car. i waved him away like thanks but no thanks dude! he yelled something but assuming it was something about fixing the dent, that's all i heard. i think he even turned left with me at a light and kept getting my attention. i finally pretended to say thanks and waved him on and only just then i realized he was saying our hub cap fell off. by then he was gone and i couldn't actually thank him. i felt pretty shitty about ignoring him and had no way to express it.

    also he was a minority so then i started imagining him imagining that i was too scared to talk to him because of that fact. then i felt doubly guilty in that peculiarly white guy way - because, dude, i'm cool with that!

    i guess it never pays to inform on AWOL hubcaps.

    1. <3 this story. So perfectly on topic. It makes me hate them less.

    2. I was headed down the road and started smelling a very strong scent of gasoline. I thought it was my car, but turns out it was the truck in front of me. I pull up next to the guy and his (I assume) wife and motion for them to roll their window down. They both looked scared, but the lady rolls down the window and I'm like, "You're leaking fuel!" They pull over and I stop as well to offer them a ride if they need it. They politely declined and so I left. They were black so it made me feel not guilty at all because there was nothing racist about it in the first place. lawl.


  2. No good deed goes unpunished... lol. It's the thought that counts.

  3. I figure if the car's not on fire and I haven't left something important on top of the car (coffee/wallet/dog/whathaveyou) than I'm in good shape, and I usually wave people off no matter what falls off the car. LOL. Good for you for trying to do the right thing.