You ever see those crazy southerners on TV talking about aliens or floods or 'nados in their curlers and mumus? Ever wonder what the rest of their family thinks of them? Are they all that fucked up? I always pictured they were a band of rednecks roaming the countryside like the Beverly Hillbillies. Then it happened to me.
Apparently my cousin is suing a firefighter for allowing him to run into a pump truck. It was interesting and twisted enough that it got picked up by the local news. My lethal aunt enters stage right to tell the reporters to fuck off. This is a great example of the dysfunction I told you all I grew up with:
Did I Ever Tell You...
The most significant July 4th memory I have was at the house featured in that news footage. There was a big, all-day barbecue (most likely a hobo dinner, which I refuse to explain). It turned into a drunken brawl. The kids ran over (we had been hanging out across the street at my mom's boyfriend's). In an attempt to break up the (at this point, bloody) fighting, my cousin (a girl) punched her dad in the face, my mom's boyfriend's daughter was swinging around a baseball bat, and I pushed down and sat on my mom (who was getting her ass kicked). My mom leaned up and bit the back of my arm. Hard. I didn't hit her, but I remember wanting to. I don't think I've ever been so mad in my life, before or since. I got over it in the typical "don't take it personally, she's drunk" that those of us from dysfunctional families come to be skilled at.
In a discussion with my aunt in Chicago about rather I should take the current job offer or not, I mentioned that I felt bad about dragging Annie away from all her family here, in northern California. She laughed it off, saying that she didn't really know what a strong family bond was like. She knew I understood where she was coming from, because I feel the same way.
This footage is one of the reasons I don't want kids,