Monday, March 7, 2011

Holy Crapcakes!

I just came up with Holy Crapcakes, and I think it's brilliant.  I originally had shitcakes, but that doesn't really give the mental image of rows of delicious, colorful, miniature decorated cakes that I'm aiming for.  Yesterday was the SF Cupcake Challenge, hosted by Drink:Eat:Play.  I went to the one in L.A. last year, so I was disappointed to miss it this year, yet really excited to find out they were having one here.  For a long time, nobody was going to accompany me (I'm totally comfortable with solo gluttony), but Annie decided to come back early from Tahoe to join me.  However, she was going to be running late for the event, since she had a soccer match that morning.  I refused to wait for her, and headed over to the city by myself.

I got to the front door 20 minutes early and the bouncers turned me away.  (Yeah, it was a club that employed their bouncers for this event since alcohol was being served and it was 21+... but I kept picturing how amazing it would be for some fatty to lose control and require the bouncers to drag the swollen body out while they kicked and screamed and shoved cupcakes in their face.)  Anyway, I was like 12th person in line, and I started in immediately.  I eat as I walk, whereas most people save theirs in tupperware for later.  Hoarding is out of control in this country.

40 minutes into it, and I've destroyed all the cupcakes!  Nobody else came close.
Still smiling as Annie captures my last bites.
Blurry, sweaty, puke-faced & finished.

In total, there were 28 mini cupcakes at the competition.  2 of them were peanut butter, which I strongly dislike [a future post], so I skipped them.  2 of them were coconut, which I also dislike, but I still tried them (to be fair in judging).  So, I ate 26 mini cupcakes (I usually shove the whole thing in my mouth, but they're probably 2 bites for most humans).  Unless you've eaten that much sugar and fat in a short period of time before, you have no clue how intense it can be.  Annie showed up about 35 minutes after the doors opened.  I had 4 cupcakes left to eat.  I'm pretty much a sugar consuming machine.  I was only a little shaky, a little sweaty, and a little ready to dance around in a sugar-high rampage.  I (speedily) dragged her around the place pointing out my favorites as she quickly snagged up her own collection, while I threw back my final bites.

There are 2 categories in the competition, Traditional and Original, and you also vote for your overall winner.
I had 3 favorites, and they were all Originals, so it was tough to submit my ballot:
  • Sea Salt Caramel from James & the Giant Cupcake [I voted for Best Original. They liked me so much that they gave me a T-shirt.]
  • Chocolate Toffee Crunch from Sweet Petite [I voted for Best Overall].
  • Basil Lemon Blueberry from Kingdom Cake [It would have won most unique, and I loved it, but it didn't beat the other two.]

Since I had to choose a Traditional, I chose:
  • Gentelemen Prefer Reds from That Takes the Cake [They had the best frostings, the ladies there were super nice, and that's a solid name for a red velvet cupcake.]

My trip to 'Disneyland' came and went faster than you can say 'food coma'.  I had wonderful highs and lows for the rest of the day.

Before heading to cupcake-palooza, I think god sent me a message regarding what my life may look like in 20 years if I continue my lifestyle.  I ignored the message.  It was easy to ignore, since I don't believe in god any more than I do Zeus [another post I'm working on].  Anyway, the obese guy in front of us at Costco was purchasing 4 6-pack boxes of enemas.  I couldn't help myself and had to snap a picture.  (Later, when telling Annie about it, she admitted to not knowing what an enema was.  Poor, sheltered mountain-girl.)

Beyond Annie's pop and my peroxide, the green boxes are 6-packs of enemas.
We also went to Beach Blanket Babylon after the cupcake fest, which I enjoyed way more than I thought I would.  Every single person on stage was a great singer and superbly entertaining.  I'll let Annie fill in the details on her blog.  She's in charge of the mundane things, and I have to keep prodding her to write posts.

Such a good boyfriend,


  1. Here are the results from the Cupcake Challenge:

    Best Overall:
    1st: Sift Cupcake: Pink Champagne
    2nd: Kingdom Cake: Salted Caramel Banana Cream Pie
    3rd: Love Bites Bakeshop: Salted Caramel

    Best Traditional
    1st: That Takes The Cake: Gentlemen Prefer Red
    2nd: Pinkie’s Bakery: Devils Food with chocolate ganache
    3rd: Love Bites Bakeshop: Red Velvet

    Best Original:
    1st: Kingdom Cake: Salted Caramel Banana Cream Pie
    2nd: Sift Cupcake: Pink Champagne
    3rd: Love Bites Bakeshop: Salted Caramel

  2. I strongly disagree with the champagne one. It was picked because it was cute. It was hidden in the back corner and probably last on most people's plate, so nobody ate it and instead went for aesthetics. I can't really disagree with any of the other cupcakes. So many were great. However, I still feel like my vote should count for more, since I actually ate all of them.