Monday, May 9, 2011

Anonymous Fellatio

This was a great find during some down time on my old PC yesterday!  Here's the background.  I'm Mr. A.  A friend and I created this document in order to take it to our government/street law teacher.  We wanted to know if it was slander to spread malicious rumors, even if they were true.  We were also interested in any implications that threats or sexual harassment or libel (after we had printed this off) had in the legal realm.  We weren't interested in actually pursuing anything, we were just excited to have something interesting to examine in our otherwise boring class.

This incident did happen.  I still stand by it.  All names were removed when it was typed, since we were going to make it a hypothetical situation for our teacher.  The only alteration I've done is censoring the full name of my high school.

The teacher immediately turned the scenario into the school liaison officer, and Mr.'s A, B, & D had to all meet in his office to come to a resolution.  I just used big words and we all walked out.  Nothing ever came of it, which is really boring.  I clearly described where/when the incident happened.  We have cameras in the parking lot.  Either they weren't actually recording, or nobody had any interest in finding out if the story was indeed true, or the liaison officer beat off to the video.  Anyway, here's the scenario:
Mr. A, Mr. B and Mr. C witnessed Mr. D and Miss. E aggressively displaying public affection and in the act of fellatio on Thursday, February 14, 2002.  Between the times of 2:25-2:40.  After the act had taken place Mr. A, Mr. B and Mr. C had witnessed Miss E salivating with her car door open onto the asphalt.  The location of the incident that took place, was in Miss E’s car in the second row, fifth parking spot from the cross walk in the Jefferson High School Recreation Center parking lot, in which all students are required to park in.  At approximately 3:30 Mr. A and Mr. B returned to pick up Mr. B’s younger sister, Miss F.  Upon returning to the Jefferson High School parking lot Mr. A and Mr. B went to the approximate location of the happening and looked to see if indeed Miss E had salivated upon the asphalt with traces of Mr. D’s semen.  After a short examination Mr. B had found the salivation.  Without a doubt the saliva had contained traces of semen, perhaps Mr. D’s semen.     

Approximately half of the Jefferson High School Robotics Team and most of the Jefferson High School Jazz Band were told that on the day of or the day after, by Mr. A or Mr. B, of the incident.  The people belonging to there organizations were told that Mr. D and Miss E had been aggressively displaying public affection and in the act of fellatio.  In slang terms of course.
On February 21, 2002 at approximately 2:45 Mr. D met Mr. A and Mr. B in the math hallway in the Jefferson High School. At this time, Mr. D began to question Mr. A and Mr. B about spreading false allegations of him and his girlfriend, Miss. E, in the act of sexual intercourse in the school parking lot.  At this time they, Mr. A and Mr. B, denied all of the allegations that they were accused of.  Mr. D then stated that if he ever found out that they were spreading vicious rumors he would then beat the hell out of them. Accompanying Mr. D was Mr. G and Mr. H, who are believed to be in very close with Mr. D.
I didn't know I was such a gossip-y, little bitch.  I'm not that surprised to find out, though.  I am appalled at my grammar and lack of units on the times given.  I also can't really defend what we were thinking, other than trying to further legitimize that the incident did take place.

It's also fun to think that I was technically bullied, I guess.  I'm not very small.  Mr. B is a giant Hispanic, who I believe laughed at the threat to Mr. D's face.  Mr. D was some champion wrestler, or something.  He wasn't very smart, so we didn't talk much.  I never really considered it a legitimate threat, nor did I feel bullied.  Fun to think about though.

I guess what we learned today is: don't blow somebody in a high school parking lot, or maybe don't spread stories no matter how true they are, or maybe don't be a dumb jock in high school.  You can choose your lesson,


  1. I'm pretty sure I remember hearing about this, or if not the same situation you're talking about, it's not the only time something like this happened that year....

  2. and if we're thinking of the same incident...I heard Mr.D spent some time in prison after botching a football scholarship for college...

  3. and did the "teacher" give you an answer to that slander question? (has to be a false statement to fit within defamation, by the way, but you could be sued for intentional infliction of emotional distress if you went to extreme and unusual lengths to embarrass that person))