Thursday, February 2, 2012

Don't Read This

My stomach has hurt for 2 days now.  The food poisoning from rancid pork from this place must have finally caught up to me.  I didn't sleep well, and I'm surprised at how pissed I am at Susan G. Komen.  So, I'm in an interesting mood.  I really shouldn't publish things when I'm like this.  Anyway...

I was listening to one of Doug Stanhope's stand-up specials, and it sent my mind on an awful side-track.

If you were to have a child in the worst part of this world, when would be the optimal time to eat it?  (He has a great bit about not judging someone where life is that hard if they decide that having a baby in order to eat it seemed like their only option.)

It would take a ton of resources to get the child through puberty to its maximum size, and there's a good chance that it might not make it to that point, so many years of resources would be lost.  I'm sure that there's another big growth spurt somewhere in between being born and first grade, but I have no clue when it is, because I hate kids.  So if you had to include resources consumed and total amount of meat produced and integrated time and risk, when would the optimal time be?  Maybe include flavor or tenderness (like veal from baby cows) into the equation if you want to make it scientific journal quality.

If you think this is awful to think about, take comfort in knowing that I started a group on Facebook in 2005 called Dead Baby Joke advocates.

Yeah, 2005.  Long before you had Facebook,


  1. EuroAmerican TransplantMarch 5, 2012 at 10:41 AM

    Ok first off, I had facebook in '05 lol!
    Secondly...WOW rob for real? A whole post on this? Ridiculousness! And not only is that picture disturbing causes me to answer your question and say 2 years is optimal...gah!

    1. So, you had Facebook in 2005? In high school? Setting the trend, eh?