Friday, June 3, 2011


Your cell phone causes brain cancer when you talk on it.  It also increases gonad (men: man basket, women: egg basket) cancer when carried in your pocket all day, every day.  It also increases arthritis in joints from intense electromagnetic radiation over long periods of texting.  So, are you gonna give it up?

First of all, that first paragraph was absolutely hypothetical.  (It is, however, current news, though the debate has raged for a decade.)  [A physics professor once walked into a discussion and asked "Who here believes cell phones will kill you?"  Nobody raised their hand.  "Nobody would have raised their hand for cigarettes in the '50s, either."  It was a great example of how we think about things differently with hindsight.]

Secondly, I hate smokers.  I really, truly don't understand them.  I want to be able to breath and eat and dance and bowl without you making health choices for me by polluting my air.  This morning, on my way to work, I had my regular, 40-minute, ~RoB-thinks-to-himself time.  It was the first time that I was ever able to empathize with smokers.

It's 2011.  You absolutely know that smoking is bad for you.  It's not cool, and everybody hates you.  Yet you still smoke.  Why?

In my brain I flipped it to: your cell phone is bad for you.  Everyone's sick of you always being on it.  You're never in the moment.  If you do it while you drive you're going to slam into freeway divider, and your brain is going to explode across your cracked windshield.  Let's say we could confidently state it causes cancer.  Yet you still carry your cell phone around with you everywhere.  Why?

I'm one of those people who have become completely dependent on smart phones.  I honestly don't know how easily I could give them up.  It's not about being cool anymore (though it kinda is).  It's about being so used to it and fearing to return to the way things were.  Seriously, wtf is Mapquest?  Land-line?  Wait, wait, wait... you expect me to remember your 7 digits without putting them into my phone immediately?

I've heard people talk about their anxiety when they forget their cell phone at home.  I've heard (and was glad cuz it totally happens to me) of 'phantom rings' when muscles in your leg go off and imitate your phone on vibrate... causing you to answer your phone though nobody is calling.  I've seen, first hand, how awful people are when they are so addicted to their smartphones that they've lost all social skills.  (Hello, L.A.)  However, for some reason, they're still worth it to me.  I can't explain why.  I'm addicted...
...So are cigarette smokers.

If cell phones become cigarettes, socially, then consider me French (or Asian, wtf is up with that?),

No comments:

Post a Comment