Friday, April 15, 2011

Examine Your Zipper

Move over MacGyver.  Or, is MacGruber a more appropriate reference for my generation?  Anyway...

In my few days of epic manliness, I decided to fix something that has been bothering me for months.  Let me start by saying that I've never been a big fan of jeans.  (I have to emphasize that I mean jean pants, cuz I've always had a soft spot for jean shorts.  Screw you.)  Anyway, Annie convinced me to buy two ridiculously cheap pairs of nice jeans at Old Navy on Black Friday.  (Soon to be called Rebecca Black Friday?)  They were $15, and it was getting cold, and I had been considering buying some nicer/trendier jeans.  I now wear them almost every day.  They work for every occasion.  I trade off between the two pairs for every day at work.  One problem though.

The zippers suck!  They never stay up.  I'm regularly seen zipping up my pants during all kinds of awkward moments.  Here's where my magical fix-it powers (available this week only) come into play.

Though my female roommates never seem to be able to find them, I feel like I live in an endless sea of bobby-pins and hair-ties.  This was a perfect chance to steal one of them and do some good for the world.  (I don't think I'm overestimating the whole-wordly appeal of my fly not being unzipped all day.  I had to give up my lent avoidance of underwear because of it.)  Anyway, here was my fix:

I had to chew a paper clip into the right shape to fasten a tool to pull the hair-tie through.
It works perfectly.  There's just one frustrating thing, which I've never realized before.  Zipping your pants before buttoning them is surprisingly difficult.  I never thought of doing it 'backward' and it made me wonder how many people actually fasten their pants that way.  (I had a friend in college that admitted to always wiping his butt 'backward' [top to bottom] and it blew my mind.)  Anyway, this wonderful mechanism has to be fastened to the button before the button is shoved in the hole to finish the pants-fastening.  That'll do, pig.

You can tell how fast (and how unfiltered) a post is written based on the number of parentheticals,

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